The Hidden Value of Social Security Disability Insurance: Why It’s Important During Benefits Enrollment
Editor’s Note: Holly Devine grew up knowing how to advocate for herself and what she needed – as it related to being a person with a physical disability. But it wasn’t until she was working at her first job after college that she learned how to ask for support with a mental health challenge.
I consider myself one of the lucky ones, because I (thought) I knew what I wanted to do for a living right out of high school. I was fortunate enough to be accepted into my first choice program and maintained a “B” average. College was good – fun even – until one cold dreary day in the November of my second year. I was sitting in psychology class and we were working in groups as we normally did. And then I felt a sudden pang of urgency, one I hadn’t felt in a long time. The room felt smaller; I felt lighter. My voice cracked in the silence: “I feel like I’m going to pass out.”
I didn’t pass out. Instead an ongoing battle began – me against my brain, against my ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ reaction. Not only did this feeling of urgency and thoughts of “I’m going to pass out” continue, I now had to navigate the workforce with a physical disability and active mental health issues.
Too Anxious To Get Out of Bed
I was working in an ‘adult job’ my first year after college and I found I lied . . . a lot. The days I called in sick, I was very rarely sick. Most of those days I was too anxious to get out of bed. Some days I even blamed my cerebral palsy, claiming I fell at home and was too sore to come in when, in actuality, I was stuck in bed.
I was conditioned from a young age to advocate for myself, my needs, and my safety. I believe I mastered that by my teens, but only when it came to my cerebral palsy. When it came to my anxiety, my advocacy was almost non-existent.
How Can I Help?
Recently, I had to go home because of an ongoing anxiety attack that popped up during work hours. I quietly shimmied down to my supervisor’s office, explained what was going on, and asked if I could be relieved to go home. Expecting to be met with “Can we just wait and see what happens?” or some other excuse, I braced myself for impact. Instead, I was greeted with a “How can I help?”
As a person with a disability, I learned how to advocate for myself and others. I feel like it is quite common to put anything else that isn’t my “main diagnosis” on the back burner. But having the ability to advocate for both my mental and physical health is a skill I need to learn and grow.
Choosing Transparency
I made the active choice this September to challenge my process of hiding my anxiety. I will be more transparent with my human resources associates and co-workers, and share how I am feeling – physically, mentally, and emotionally.
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